by Chel Montejo | He Said, She Said |
It was indeed a great experience to feel this unexplainable feelings.
Something maybe hard to believe. Something I never expected to happen. Maybe I was just so vulnerable.
It came to me so fast … exactly how fast it left me at the same time.
I was not ready to handle it but the moment I saw his eyes looking at me — my heart just fell willingly to embrace this strange feeling rushing through my soul. And just before I knew it, I wanted him so much in my life the very first night I saw his stares upon me.
The stares I wished to see everyday looking at me. But as the night bids goodbye, the sun rises to show me that those looks will only be a memory I will forever stare in my dreams.
And yes, after the days of beautiful fantasy comes the day of facing the reality that everything was really just a dream.
Everyday is a struggle not to think about his eyes, his touch … not to feel his lips.
It is so hard to face the truth that those kisses were not the touches of love, but of dreams I created only in my thoughts, hoping that he will feel the same way for me.
Everyday is a struggle to realize that he will never call me “baby” ever again because no reason is enough to keep it that way.
That the song I used to fantasize when I was still young, where in someone’s gonna sing it for me to express his love,
will now be a sad song that will remind me of how he will never sing it for me — because he’s definitely never gonna feel every words from it towards me.
Everyday is a struggle not to wait for his messages telling me to take care. Not to be just a stranger he randomly remembers and now has totally forgotten. Not to wish to be part of his life and be beside him everyday to show him how much I care about him.
How much I miss him.
My eyes have gone tired crying and asking why do I have to walk this path of brokenness when all I ever wanted was to feel cared for.
But every struggle must come to an end for God never allowed me to feel this way just to suffer, but to learn.
So before I completely lose myself, I need to endure the pain of saying goodbye to these dreams.
I finally understand why some people can do things and make decisions without hesitations for the person they care about to make them happy.
That love is not something that you get in three days. You’ve got to work hard and invest time and effort for it.
That when you love, you need to know how to sacrifice .even if it means that you have to let go of that person and say goodbye to that wonderful feeling only you have found.
Goodbye to the person who taught me how to fall in love again and to choose not to continue to love because it’s not possible.
Because some things may not be worthy enough to take some risks.