hopya

“Hopya” ka na naman ba? [Still hoping for a second chance?]

from message sender “Weng” |

(We at He Said She Said change the actual names and places and edit some parts of the message, to protect the identity of our message senders.)

Tito Homer & Tita Jinky,

Gusto ko po sana ihingi ng payo ‘tong sitwasyon ko ngayon.

Last year po nakipagbreak sa akin ang BF for 8 years dahil di daw po niya ako mahal.

Sa 8 years naming pagiging magkarelasyon, sa first 2 years lang daw po niya ako minahal. Ibig sabihin sa loob ng apat na taon, nagkukunwari na lang siya sa nararamdaman niya.

Pero hindi ko po man lang naramdaman na wala na po pala siyang feelings for me. Napakamanhid ko po ‘no?

Sa una hindi ko po talaga matanggap ang reason niya kasi a week before that breakup nakita ko po sa cellphone niya na may ka-chat sya na girl na officemate niya (harutan ang chat, pero wala naman pong sensored at parang high school lang). Kinausap ko po siya about dun at nag-sorry siya at wala naman daw po talagang ibig sabihin yun.

So nung dumating po ung breakup, naiisip ko po na baka kaya siya nakikipag-break eh kasi gusto niya maging malinis bago magka-GF na bago.

Galit na galit ako Tita, Tito sa sarili ko at sa kanya kasi bakit hindi man lang niya sinabi sa akin na wala na pala siyang feelings. Ang tanga-tanga ko kasi for 6years ni hindi ko man lang naramdaman na wala na pala kami.

Nakipag-bargain pa ako baka naman cool-off lang gusto niya pero final na daw desisyon niya. Hindi na po ako nagtext simula noon kaya wala kaming closure. First week of January, minessage ko po siya para sa closure. Kinuha ko na din po ang mga gamit ko sa kanila at nagpaalam ng maayos sa mama niya. Nagkita po kami sa isang cafe, nagkamustahan lang. Hindi ako umiyak at niyakap ko lang siya as sign of goodbye.

Dun na po nagsimula ang problema ko. Lagi na kaming magka-text na parang gaya ng dati pero sinasabi ko na lang sa sarili ko na kaibigan lang ‘to. Sinasamahan ko rin po siya sa pagpapa-check-up niya. Wala naman po siyang sakit (feeling niya po kasi may sakit siya. Psycosomatic po ba tawag dun?) Sinasabi naman niya na selfish siya kasi naaalala niya lang ako pag may sakit siya, at kapag may kailangan siya.

Masakit po pero bakit umaasa pa din ako? Gusto ko na pong tapusin kung ano man ‘to, pero ‘pag gusto ko nang sumuko saka siya magsasabi ng mga future plans nya na kasama ako. So maho-hopya na naman ako. Hindi ko na po talaga alam ang gagawin at iisipin ko. Tulungan niyo naman po ako. Marami pong salamat!

He Said: Hi Weng, thanks for messaging us. First, di ka dapat magalit sa sarili mo. Walang dahilan kasi di naman ikaw ang may problema o kahit na anong kasalanan. Let’s just say that he felt that he truly loved you but instead, was just dependent on you. Para kang naging sandalan niya all these years. Tipong best friend. Yun lang, iba ang naramdaman mo. So, will you still hope that it will be the real thing the next time? Alisin na natin ang next time sa isipan mo ngayon. Hoping is good only for the right reasons. But when it comes to relationships like yours, it’s better to move forward and realize that it didn’t work out. It’s the number of years that matter, but the quality of those years. It seems he wasn’t committed to make it work. He was there simply because YOU were there for him. At least, he was honest and man enough to admit it. With that, remember that he never told you that he wanted to be you and him again, right? So what’s the point in hoping? God has probably found a way to talk to you about His real plans. Baka naman may iba talagang nakalaan sa ‘yo di ba? God’s plans are always perfect. Why don’t you take God on His promises? (Read: Jeremiah 29:11) What do you have to lose? Lastly, think about this. We at He Said She Said have been receiving tons of messages a week about bad breakups and failed marriages. God must have spared you from these types. So, what do you do next? Accept that it’s done. Move forward with daily baby steps. Hope for God’s promises to unfold. That’s a better thing to hope for.

She said: Hi Weng. I think it’s time to move on. Huwag mo na pahirapan ang sarili mo sa pag-asang babalik pa siya. Paano mo malalaman kung ano talaga ang halaga mo kung palaging ikaw ang magbibigay? Make it hard for him para malaman nya kung ano ang nawala sa kanya. Don’t reply to his text messages, don’t go out with him, don’t even talk to him pag nagkita kayo. A simple hello is enough. This is also one way of helping yourself recover. Mas mahihirapan ka pag talagang nagkaroon na ng kapalit sa puso niya. But if he comes back, make sure na this time he really is sure of his feelings. Baka naman kasi ayaw lang nya mag isa. Kagaya ng sabi mo, 6 years na hindi ka na niya mahal. So just be careful and pray for guidance and discernment. God bless.

[Jeremiah 29:11 – For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.]

Reply from “Weng”

Maraming salamat sa payo niyo. Gagawin ko ‘tong gabay at mula ngayon ay bibigyan ko na ng importansya ang sarili ko.

We at He Said She Said change the actual names and places and edit some parts of the message, to protect the identity of our message senders.

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from message sender “Weng” | (We at He Said She Said change the actual names and places and edit some parts of the message, to protect the identity of our message senders.) Tito Homer & Tita Jinky, Gusto ko po sana ihingi ng payo ‘tong sitwasyon ko ngayon. Last year po nakipagbreak sa akin ang BF …

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