by SCC | shared on He Said, She Said |
Hey, kamusta ka na, rather, kamusta na ba ako?
Masasabi ko nga bang ako ang sumira at nanakit sa sarili ko, when all you did was watch me fall and break?
“Ikaw ang unang naging boyfriend ko, at baka ikaw na rin ang huli,” yan yung mga salitang binitawan ko noon.
Nung maging tayo, feeling ko bata pa tayo non, we were the so called “unofficial relationship”. That time you were asking me kung bakit hindi kita maipakilala sa magulang ko at ang laging sagot ko, bawal naman talaga akong mag-boyfriend.
I wanted to introduce you to the family when I graduated high school. I believed I proved myself enough to hold a relationship and still do good sa school. Pero natakot pa rin akong ipakilala ka sa parents ko, kasi feeling ko ‘pag nagpakilala ako ng boyfriend, hindi nila ako papayagang mag-aral sa Manila. At natakot akong pagbawalan nila lahat ng bagay na ikinasasaya ko noon.
Ang aga pa para pumasok sa totoong relasyon, that I thought. Masyado tayong seryoso, masyado tayong invested sa isa’t isa. Lahat ng desisyon, nakadepende sa ‘kin o sa ‘yo. We were too inlove or rather, we were too involved.
Pinili kong wakasan ang relasyon natin noon, I was too afraid that everything’s becoming a routine and the relationship became an obligation, yung pag-text, pagtawag, pagsundo at paghatid.
Natakot ako na lahat ng desisyong gagawin mo, nakasalalay sakin. Natakot ako na baka hindi lumawak ang mundo mo dahil sakin. Natakot ako na ako na lang yung nagmamahal. Natakot ako na baka ako na lang yung concern at natakot ako na baka ako na lang yung in a relationship.
I have these fears, hear me out, kaya nakipaghiwalay ako. Gusto kong mag-isip non, gusto kong mag-isip ka kung ako ba talaga ang gusto mo dahil sa pakiwari ko’y isa na akong obligasyon sa buhay mo.
What I did was a mistake, ’cause I ended a good relationship where in all you did was give me everything that I will be needing.
I was so sorry noong naghiwalay tayo noon, I told you I fell out of love, I told you nagsasawa na ako. I told you I don’t want to talk to you anymore. I lied at pinagsisisihan ko yon. Mali ako, maling-mali, kasi alam kong mahal kita noon kahit naman hanggang ngayon.
I chose to be far away from you, I thought then, you’ve moved on, you’ll be okay. You got into a series of short relationships, one after the other. Always ending up with the girl perpetually broken hearted. I felt miserable, kase iniisip ko you’ve changed because of me, because I broke your heart.
I waited for you, alam mo ba? Na makapag-isip at ma-enjoy ang buhay mo. Kasabay ng paghihintay ko ang pagdating ng iba’t ibang klase ng tao sa buhay ko. Some courted me, some tried to have my attention, but no one ever got me like you did.
A second chance came, and I grabbed it. This time, I’m going to work everything out. Pero sa pangalawang pagkakataon, ako na lang ata ang nagmamahal ng lubos. Ako na lang ang kumakapit.
I did everything that I didn’t do before. I introduced you to the family. Talked to you untill wee hours of the morning, until you fell asleep. Text you, call you and let you sleep beside me.
Everything was too sudden, when you decided to end the relationship na hindi ko alam kung matatawag bang “tayo.”
Ang sabi mo walang ibang babaeng involved. Ang sabi mo may feelings naman, hindi lang talaga katulad ng dati. It wasn’t just the feelings for me anymore, I was talking about my future with you, but you said, this time, ikaw ang hindi handa. Ikaw ang hindi sigurado. Ikaw ang ayaw ng commitment.
Alam mo ba na simula nung maghiwalay tayo ulit, iniisip ko kung saan ako nagkamali at kung ano ba ang hindi ko nagawa para sa’yo.
All I did was do everything I could to bring you back. It was not enough. I was not enough. You said I should find somebody else. You said I deserved someone better. You said your feeling wasn’t as strong as before. You said, you can’t even imagine a future with me.
I don’t need better, I need you. I don’t need someone who can give me what I want. I need someone who can complete me despite his insufficiency.
I don’t believe in fate or destiny. I always believed in coincidence. But fate has an evil way of hurting me, letting me see you every chance we got. Every moment I spend now feels like a ton of brickwall falling on my shoulder.
It was hard, falling for the same person, and have him break it into pieces.
How do I unlove someone I loved althroughout my life? How do I tell my self to get over it and give the chance to others? What will I ever do, when the only man I ever loved, can’t love me back?
How will I ever start over again, when every chance I got is every moment fate has decided for us to cross paths?
Tell me, how do I unlove someone like you?
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