This is my last gift to you

by KV | shared on He Said, She Said |

Hi, Q. Happy New Year tomorrow.

I really don’t know what came into me. I never wanted to talk to you na talaga.

Pero as I am sitting here sa bus ngayon with thousands of thoughts running in my mind. I allowed myself to think of you. Of us, of how we had a wonderful relationship, though it may have ended in a bad breakup, though you hurt me so bad I thought I couldn’t recover, I can’t deny the fact that you really made me happy.

It’s crazy because you’ve been out of my mind for a few weeks now. At first, I got scared. I got scared because I really don’t want to stop thinking about you, but as days went by, I thought about you less and less until I never did anymore.

I loved our relationship, having invested a lot of emotions, time and effort, the last thing I wanted to do is to let go. Even though everyone is saying I should let go, I didn’t. But eventually I had to, though I chose not to at first, I had to. And I am now.

The two years I spent with you pushed me to be a better version of myself. You taught me how to show love naturally. You taught me how to be soft, how to not be afraid of loving too much. You showed me it’s never wrong to love someone unconditionally, and for that I am thankful.

I am making an effort not to love you anymore, but I guess I am failing because I know you’ll always have a spot in my heart.

It’s funny how everyone who came before you, I forgot without effort. But with you, forgetting hurts as much as remembering. I never want to cry because of you again. I am suppressing every stupid and useless feeling I have for you.

If you love someone this much and it goes nowhere since the person it is meant for doesn’t want it, how are you supposed to deal with that?

I always said that I was born to make you happy. But I guess that’s not my job anymore. And seeing you happy is all that matters right? Kahit hindi na ako ang dahilan. Tanggap ko na, na hindi na tayo magkakabalikan. An acceptance I have to deal with everyday since we broke up.

I still remember the time you broke up with me. The day you told me that I will always be your baby girl. The time you told me that I should stop crying na. I should have listened to you then. Kasi ayoko na umiyak talaga.

I hope you are happy, Q. I know you are. I forgive you for everything. For choosing to be with her, in the expense of losing me and breaking me into pieces.

And I am sorry for my shortcomings when we were together. I wish you well, I wish you the best in life.

This is my last gift to you, my forgiveness, by this I can forgive myself too.

Be happy Q. Be safe always. Happy New Year, again.


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