by Sunshine | shared on He Said, She Said |
Everyday was been a great journey of a roller coaster.
It’s so hard to wake up when I can’t even take a nap. The clock still ticking and the rain keeps on falling but my love for him never change. I keep on asking what really happen? Because until this moment everything is still unbelievable.
Yesterday was a perfect picture of happiness and contentment. Then all of a sudden I woke up in a road with nowhere to go. I was hoping he’d be there waiting for me but I can’t even see any shadows or footsteps. I was left in the dark with no one to guide me.
I was left hanging.
I was so naive that I didn’t have any hint or I just love and trust him that much that I let him fly on his own. Explore the world and enjoy each moment of it. I didn’t know that this will lead to the greatest challenge of our relationship. He made his own decisions.
He lived his own life. And I was just there waiting.
He let me live in a life full of lies. He cheated on me and I don’t know why. I gave up everything my career, my opportunity to help my family.
He became my priority, my life and my everything. I did every effort to make him happy. I’ve done every single detail he told me to do. But still it was not enough. He still lied. And that, to me, was unforgivable.
The man I put in a pedestal; the man I adored so much and respected is the reason of my sufferings. My endless tears at night with the agonies and pains I had to deal with alone. Days and nights passed by that I wasn’t even aware of it.
He stole my right to live the way it should be. He stole everything from me.
Gone are the sweet tender moments. Replaced by a woman in the dark sobbing and begging for mercy.
It’s so unbelievable. The wedding plans and our future together — where are they now?
I never heard any explanations but he never heard any complaints from me either. Instead I was begging for him to leave her and for us to start all over again. I kept on waiting for that day that he’ll tell me everything on what really happened.
He just told me to stay put and hold on tight and be strong — because things will be better soon.
But how I be at peace when his words didn’t compliment his actions? He left for weeks with no words and no hellos.
But I stuck with him and loved him no less. I tired to understand him. Even though I had all the reasons to leave, I stayed.
Maybe I’m a masochist. Maybe I’m stupid when it comes to love. But I have loved him more than I have loved anyone else. I have loved him more than myself. I didn’t want to lose him.
I’m still holding on to the promises we’ve made in front of our families and love ones.
I still keep believing that God sent me to him to help him live his life in God’s righteous way.
I want to believe that he is one of the reasons why I’m living in this world. I want to keep my promise that I will give him a God-fearing happy family that he didn’t experience.
There are so many things I want to believe in.
But until now I’m still waiting with no assurance where my love for him will lead me.
God only knows.
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