by John Louie G. Paras
I do not know how to start this one here, it’s a horrible feeling. I even asked myself, why am I writing this? Well, this is not just about my favorite fairy tale story, not even like a social media app where I can follow and unfollow insignificant people right away, right? This is an investment of my time and energy, yet disappeared all along.
Let me give you a sort of my illusions. I am the type of person who easily get hurt, why? a little bit of affection from other people means a lot to me. I love hard. I love boldly. I give my 101% attention not even thinking about giving myself a portion of it. Maybe, I am expecting too much from other people just because I am longing for some real love after almost a decade of juvenile kind of it.
Isn’t it ironic? You love then you get hurt. It’s like a cycle. You can’t run from it. But is it really possible to unlove the person who had hurt you? As for me, I cannot put enough words to it. Someone whom you spent your life with, accompanied by endless sacrifices, those were all made and now on our own separate ways.
I’ve been in an incomparable heart-break few months ago. I totally lost myself, I was insanely drown thinking that I can’t escape from it. But, God is so good. I was able to surpassed all of it with the help of the good people around me. I made myself busy, I worked hard, I go out with friends every now and then, until I moved on. I even had the guts to put an end to some of our the unfinished business, and now we’re both okay. I have no regrets since it made me happy somehow.
There’s this one person who taught me how to love again. At first, I was really hesitant because nothing is so sure about what we’re having. But then, this person made me feel extra special. Speaking of extra special, I am talking about time and effort. We usually go out together like having road trips, late night convos, sharing same interests. In short, everything was perfectly fine then. I must admit, we both needed each other during our most difficult times, and having someone beside you during tough times is merely enough to calm down all your nerves. But sadly, we had our love at the wrong time and in the most complicated way.
It’s no longer healthy for the both of us to continue what we have started. I’ve been crying all the time, thinking that I might never see this person again since I was the one who left and I’ve never felt so happy since then. Ofcourse, I’d be lying if I say I don’t love that person anymore because I really do. But no longer in a romantic way. The biggest decision that I have ever made in my life is to sacrifice what I have for that person. And now, where on earth can I find the courage to tell myself that I should unlove this person? Am I not faking myself if i’ll say INSTANTLY? Nah. I’m having a hard time here. I’m having sleepless nights. I’m about to lose my grip.
Maybe I should accept the fact that people come and go, they will only leave us footprints. We’ll never know when, so we have to be ready. Have a brave heart to endure all the pain and courage to go through because everyday is a challenge. We have to remind ourselves that EVERYTHING IS TEMPORARY. Even our loved ones will leave us sooner or later. We need not to escape at any point, it’ll be a very long and hard process but once we get through it, we’ll see the essence of life and most importantly, our self-worth.
To you whom I loved so dearly, thank you for making me feel that once in my life I was the king of the world. You taught me how to be stronger and braver and that made me who I am today. I know how badly we are in love with each other and that is just enough for me to go on with my life. We can love each other even when we’re apart. At least, we both know that we can make our love grow until our hearts meet again.
But I am sorry dear, I CAN’T UNLOVE YOU.