Journey of Love and Rediscovery


from “Joey” |

Hi. I’m an avid reader of your page. Hindi naman sa nakakarelate ako always, pero somehow, nagiging outlet yung mga write-ups for realizations natin. Haha. Anyways. I have read one day about your column section. I don’t know, pero i think, its just nice to hear some words from others, and i guess if its coming from you, i’ll have clearer mind after. The story goes this way. Hahaha

I fell in-love. I fell in-love with someone who fell out of love with me.

Ewan pero, yun talaga. I tried my best to win him back. Exerted efforts, time, patience, and even money. Kahit busy sa office, i tried my best to make him one of the priorities. I tried to travel going to him for around 1hour para lang mapadala ang peace offering ko and to say sorry nung one time na nagalit siya. Also, had time na makalabas paminsan-minsan para lang makita siya. We stay in different cities kasi na may travel time of almost an hour. Pero for me, its okay lang naman. Distance was never a problem. Kahit ganun mga efforts ko nireject niya ako telling me to let go of him. Pero nagtagal naayos kami ulit. Tuloy ang pagsuyo na parang ewan. Yun bang wala kaming label. Gusto niya raw ako, mahal niya raw ako. Until one time, i made a dummy account on IG. Saw on his story, na meron siyang ibang gusto. May iba siyang sinusuyo. Idk the whole story of that pero enough naman siguro yun to prove na parang pampalipas oras lang ako. Tatawagan ako pag bored siya. Mag tetext kung wala siyang magawa.

So there I decided to stop chasing him. He blocked me then sa facebook account niya, even sa messenger. Masakit, mahirap na i-let go siya, kasi mahal mo eh. Pero that time, i know yun ang tama. So there, almost a month na walang communication.

Until Christmas and new year came. Sa text, una siyang nag greet nung Christmas, nagulat ako. I replied. Nung new year naman, ako naman yung nauna. Ganun lang, after ng reply, end of convo na. January, his birthday. Before yung okay pa kami, i promised him na bibigyan ko siya ng puppy once maka graduate na siya. What i did was, sinabay ko sa birthday niya, so mas napaaga yung gift. Sabi ko last na to, since promise ko naman to sa kanya. Ayoko namang masabihan na paasa.

So yun, yung puppy ang grad and birthday gift ko sa kanya. That time i know, he was the happiest and i was happy to see him again smile bcs of me. I surprised him that time maibigay lang yung gift. After that, he unblocked me, he told me na nagalit lang siya before kaya niya ako blinock. Idk what to say. Hahaha. So yun, nagkaroon ulit ng communication, tho, nililimit ko ang sarili ko kasi baka mahulog ulit ako. Pero kahit anong gawin ko kasi, always pa rin kami pinagtatagpo ng tadhana. After that kasi, so casual convos, nothing special unlike before. Kamustahan lang.

Until last feb 13, we had a date. Yes, though a friendly date it is. So yun, hanggang friends lang talaga ako. Haha. After that, i tried maging cold ulit sa kanya. When he chats, magrereply ako after an hour or so. Haha. Seenzoned minsan. Para kunyari, hindi na ako naeexcite every time maka receive ako nag msg from him. Then now, he’s asking naman about my promise to him na magtatravel kami after his graduation. Andun yung feeling na ayaw mo pero gusto mo at the same time. Gusto ko for the sake of travel, since mahilig ako mag travel, pero ayoko kasi baka kung ano naman ang sabihin ng iba lalo na ng friends ko. Kasi sabi ko sa kanila, wala na kaming communication, na last na yung date namin nung valentines. Na yun na ang closure for us.

Actually, accept ko na. Na talagang walang kami. Haha. Pero ewan ko sa puso, bakit pagdating sa kanya, hindi ako maka hindi. Nandito na siya eh, he always have a special place in my heart. That he will always be special for me. Pero ayoko na mahulog ulit if masasaktan lang din ako. I know, walang guarantee pero I’ve been there before eh. Natatakot ako na kapag matuloy itong travel namin, babalik lahat lahat. Na baka aasa ulit ako. Natatakot ako pero gusto ko. Weird ba? Hahaha.

Sa tingin niyo po, ano ang dapat kong gawin? Should our interactions with each other shall continue as if walang nangyari before? Tho aware naman siya na kaya ako naging cold sa kanya kasi im trying to ignore him, pero at the same i dont want to kasi baka sabihin na bitter ako. Gusto ko lang po ishare. Wala lang akong masabihan ng lahat lahat.

By the way, I’m a guy too.

Thank you for reading.

*Note: We have changed the sender’s name and some situations for confidentiality purposes.

Our Advice

Hi Joey,

Thanks for sending your letter/message privately. As we are practicing Catholics (and Christians), we will have to be straight to the point. Being gay is not bad. It’s the premise of being absolutely happy given your sexual preference is what’s misleading. Maybe you may not be able to control your feelings or sexual preference today, but you eventually will, with God’s help. In fact, feelings is not the main foundation of love. It’s commitment. In this case, the guy you fell in love with doesn’t have that. So dun pa lang, talo ka na. 🙂

Your situation will not change as long as you tell yourself you’ll never change as well. You can. In fact, we personally know a lot of gays who have decided to change, have sought help (from loving people and God), and now lead truly happy and fulfilled lives. One them, our good friend,  has even entered the priesthood.

You see, we truly like to help you through your life’s journey. For now, pray for God to guide you. He speaks through your heart. You know the truth. Happiness can only be found in God’s presence.

We do not condemn you, but in fact, love you more especially because of your revelation. You have been honest with us. We see a lot of love and good in you. You are blessed with kindness, especially to your family. Expand that love to the people around you and not just one one person who doesn’t value you.

So, we ask you, to seek first God’s plan for your life. Once you have found that, love will eventually find you — true love, that is.

We hope you accept the little challenge of self rediscovery. We will include you in our fervent prayers. Pray for wisdom.

With love,
Tito Homer & Tita Jinky

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