Somewhere down the road — The right love at the wrong time

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From message sender “Viola” |

Hi po!

I’m 25 years old, single and heads a youth ministry in our church. I am keeping secret from the “public” my break-up with my boyfriend, who also serves in the same ministry.

We broke up at least thrice during our 4-year relationship. The last break-up happened a few months ago. There is no reconciliation in sight this time. At the present, intimacy is missing but we’re still exchanging text messages and everyone thinks our relationship is still okay. Is this good? Tell me, please, what is your view about this kind of relationship?


He Said: Hi Viola. Thanks for trusting us with your story and question. It is hard being pastors in a church (just like we are, though in Catholic Singles Ministry). People indeed look up to you as if you had no faults or imperfections. Should we put up a face rather than the one we really are? That’s a Big No.

Pastors represent Jesus in human form. We are humans, right? With that, we strike a balance as both leaders and as human beings. First and foremost, we need to be Authentic (not plastic, get it?).

What to do? You don’t need to announce your break-ups, that’s one. However, you first need to make a final (as in, final!) decision on your relationship. If it’s done, it’s done. Dust yourself up, pick up the pieces then start the long and hard journey of moving forward. You’re still young and at the prime of your life. Stay and remain beautiful. Not for anyone else but for you. Everything else follows. You’ll see a better world that God has prepared for you. It’s what you deserve.

Let Go, Let God. If later you find your way in each others arms with a new-found perspective, that’ll be good. But first, you have to strike out as individuals — as separate individuals. Cool off is never a solution, ha? Either you are or you are not. Ganun lang.

God loves you as He allowed you to have good and real friends. Nurture them. Be strong for your wards – your young flock. If they ask, tell the truth. No more details. Just that “it didn’t work out” as expected. That God has a better plan for both you. End of story. I’m sure Sweetie (She Said) has more to say. I will let her have the floor. In the meantime, be assured of our prayers.

She Said: Hello. As a mom to young adults, I always tell my children to pray for the right one. Like you, all of them were once and still is a leader in our Catholic youth ministry. Being one is really hard as all eyes are on you. But you have to practice what you preach, so being honest is one of them.

I agree with Sweetie. If someone asks about it, tell them it didn’t work out, but you have to make sure that this will be your final break up. You cannot stay in a relationship that has no stability. You will get tired along the way if you keep on going and ending up with the same results. I don’t know his side of the story, but after reading yours, I think you both need space to grow as an individual.

Moving on daily is based on daily small decisions — your decisions. It seems hard, but it truly is simple. It’s making-the-decision part is what makes it look so hard. Don’t over analyze. Take baby steps if you must. At least, keep going forward. Start with a morning prayer for wisdom and discernment, and to heal you. Seek clarity. Go on your daily business and keep busy. Add more happy things into your day. Stay positive in all things. We somehow tend to bury the happy memories when in fact, they should be on top.

Finally, remember that God’s plan for us is always perfect, so don’t hurry and look for the next one. Sit back, relax, and watch God reveal to you His surprise. Pray this. It might help. 🙂

(It’s a Catholic prayer. But we tweaked it to fit your church.)

O Jesus, lover of the young, the dearest Friend I have, in all confidence I open my heart to You to beg Your light and assistance in the important task of planning my future. Give me the light of Your grace, that I may decide wisely concerning the person who is to be my partner through life. Dearest Jesus, send me such a one whom in Your divine wisdom You judge best suited to be united with me in marriage. May her/his character reflect some of the traits of Your own Sacred Heart. May s/he be upright, loyal, pure, sincere and noble, so that with united efforts and with pure and unselfish love we both may strive to perfect ourselves in soul and body, as well as the children it may please You to entrust to our care. Bless our friendship before marriage, that sin may have no part in it. May our mutual love bind us so closely, that our future home may ever be most like Your own at Nazareth.

Oh Jesus, to your special care I entrust the decision I am to make as to my future wife/husband. You are my guiding Star! Direct me to the person with whom I can best cooperate in doing God’s Holy Will, with whom I can live in peace, love and harmony in this life, and attain to eternal joys in the next. Amen.

Reply from “Viola”

I thank God for your inputs. I’ll reorganize my priorities as well. Salamat po! I am happy —  we draw it from Jesus! God bless your ministry po!

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