Space – When is it time to ask for it?


Message sender Telly” is in a situation wherein they have given each other space. Some kind of cooling off period that somehow, Telly is now rethinking. Let’s hear from her.

Good evening Tito Homer and Tita Jinky! I am an avid follower of your page. I learn a lot from your posts. So, recently, I’ve read about yung tapos na sa kanya pero sa’yo, ano? I am hoping that you can give me an advise about my situation now. I haven’t tried to tell it to anyone so I really do not know what to do. I know it was my fault. I already apologized and reached out to my boyfriend many times but he became so distant. Like bigla pong nagbago lahat. Parang wala na pong connection, excitement and even happiness. Hndi ko na po maramdaman from him. I feel so hurt I asked for a little space and I think un din po ung gusto nya pero hndi nya lang po masabi. And pumayag po sya. It’s been 2 days since that. Hndi ko po alam kung gano katagal ang space na gusto nya. Pero I know for myself na I want him back, our relationship back. And hndi ko lang po alam ngayon kung pano sya iapproach. Kung tatanungin ko po ba kung kelangan nya pa ng more space. Or kung ititigil na po namin ung relationship namin for good. I hope you can give me advise on what to do. Thank you po!

Our reply:

He Said: Hi Telly! Thanks for trusting us with your message. Though you did not tell us how long was your relationship, and if it was on and off, I’ll assume that it was “long enough.” Wala naman kasi yan sa tagal ng relasyon, kung hindi nasa quality ng panahon. From the point of view of a guy, maybe he really wants to “breathe” awhile. There are a number reasons why a guy is asking for space. These may not necessarily apply in your situation, but let’s just list them down:

1) He feels “trapped” (Nasasakal)
2) He wants more time with friends
3) He wants to explore other opportunities (not necessarily with other girls) that somehow, you’re not going to approve of
4) He wants to discover or rediscover himself — alone
5) He is falling for someone else
6) He feels he is not ok with the girl’s family or circle of friends
7) He wants out. Period.

What to do? Give him his space and just ask (after maybe a week), how he’s doing. You may ask to talk it over as you may resolve any issue by then. And of course, pray for him and your situation. Ask God for clarity. Sometimes, it’s God Himself who’s giving you guys space to grow. Of course, there’s always a possibility that there’s someone better planned for each other. Pray, talk about it. You’ll know the answers to a million questions after. We’ll pray for you. – Tito Homer

She Said: Hi Telly. Separation, distance, space, breakups are really painful. But if a relationship is already on the brink of falling apart, you have to talk about it and decide on what to do. You might not save it, but you can still salvage whatever respect and friendship left. Don’t force it if it’s not working anymore. You’re only putting yourself for a bigger heartbreak. So the best way to handle it is…
1. Pray for guidance and discernment
2. Talk about it as adults. Remember talk not fight.
3. Be ready for anything
4. Accept whatever happens

Because if you are left alone fighting for the relationship, it’s time to let go and let God. 😊 – Tita Jinky

We have changed the name of the sender and some details for confidentiality purposes.

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