Walking Wounded

walking wounded

from message sender “Jo” | on He Said She Said |

(We at He Said She Said change the actual names and places and edit some parts of the message, to protect the identity of our message senders.)

Hello HSSS,

I found your IG account and I am interested to share my story to you both.
I’m Jo 29yrs old, lesbian. If you want to share my story its fine but please hide the names to the public. Please. :)

I put my subject as “Walking Wounded” as I was left by the person I really love so much. We’ve been together for 3 years. I am an engineer in a US-based company but the plant where I am assigned is in Cavite.

She lives in Makati with her lola and recently passed dad. Living far from her kills me, as I know that she needs me everyday.

To settle our schedule, we decided to set Friday night to Monday morning our dedicated time for each other. We survived it for 3 years. We both like the outdoors and love to travel a lot. Three years has been a short time, but with this short time, we managed to show our love for each other. We were happy then. Our relationship were both legal to our parents. We were planning for our future, looking for a bisexual marriage arranger, talking about who was going to get pregnant first because we both wanted kids. Yes, we planned our marriage.
We had a misunderstanding which led to fights usually leading some to breakups. But this last one was not the same as the first.

Last April, I accidentally opened her FB account through my Chrome browser. I tried to open 1, 2, then 3 private messages. I saw one that I found interesting. It shocked me that behind my back she was seeing someone else.

I cried. I didn’t know how to react. It was Tuesday. I rushed to her workplace after my work, but didn’t get the courage to talk to her about it. Rather, I took the chance to enjoy the night with her. We took our usual massage routine with our favorite massage therapist and didn’t got the chance to talk to her about it.

Sadly, that thing in my head still killed me. Wednesday night, I decided not to still confront her about it and think of how will I ask her. Thursday, I found myself rushing after work to come to her. I didn’t say that I was coming. I followed her until she noticed me that I was following her. The only words that came to my mouth was “surprise!”

I still didn’t know what to say and how to confront her. She replied “why are following me, you are getting creepy.” And I think she was upset.

On our way home, she didn’t talk to me. That was where the confrontation started. I asked her “Ano ba’ng problema?”

She replied “Wala namang problema eh, ikaw kasi ang creepy mo! parang minamanmanan mo ako.”

I replied, “Bakit? Dapat ka bang manmanan?”

And then she stopped talking. When we got home, she just changed clothes, turned on the TV, then browsed her FB on her phone. No talking.

I again asked her, “Ano bang problema?”

Then she angrily replied, “Gusto mo ba talagang malaman? Ayaw ko na Jo. Ayaw ko na sa ‘yo”.

I pause for a moment, the message FB saw on her FB messenger came to my mind, so I confronted her, “Sino ‘tong Ben JC na ‘to? Anong meron sa inyo? Alam ko nagkita kayo last Monday. Anong ginawa n’yo? Nabasa ko chat n’yo, and it sounds you like him, do you?”

She was shocked. Her face became red, her ears were ‘exploding’ red. Maybe she was not expecting that I will know that she was seeing someone else. She walked out and went to our room.

I asked her, “Ano ba ‘to? Anong meron sa inyo? Kinikilig ka pa sa pagkikita n’yo? At nakakamiss kamo yung awkward feeling? Para saan? Is he special to you, gusto mo ba s’ya?”

She began acting weird. She shouted, “Oh alam mo na pala eh, ano pang ginagawa mo dito? Mag-empake ka na at kunin mo na ang mga gamit mo sa bahay na ‘to, umalis ka na!”

I cried and cried while packing my things. After I finished packing my things I again went to her and said, “Love please, talk to me. Why? Bakit?”

She replied “Ayaw ko na sa ‘yo, di na kita mahal, Jo. Hindi kita mahal, 3 years ago pa! Ang sakit noh??!”

I couldn’t take the pain that I was feeling that night. I cried and cried saying, “Please don’t do this to me.” But she was very much eager to throw me away. She rushed to get my things and eagerly threw my things outside.

I kneeled while saying, “Please stop.” She stopped as I put myself blocking the door. She again walked out, saying, “Nakikita mo ba itsura mo, Jo? Maawa ka sa sarili mo!”

I cried a lot that night — I couldn’t believe that I suddenly became a stranger to her after our good 3 years together. That scene was intense. I sat for a while on the sofa thinking if I would leave as she said. She didn’t go out of our room for an hour.

I was thinking, then the door room opened. I looked at her but she was not looking at me. She went to the comfort room, did her usual routine prior going to sleep. She didn’t look at me. I noticed myself again crying. She went into our room, locked the door, opened the AC and closed the lights.

I was sitting on the sofa crying. I said to myself, this is it. She doesn’t want me anymore. I started grabbing my things, and I just noticed myself putting my things in the car. One last look at the house door, maybe looking for her, rushing unto me to stop me. But none. I noticed myself driving to nowhere. I was just driving a straight line. Until I reached my parents’ house.

I composed myself for my mom not to notice that I came from a very painful fight. My mom asked, “Saan ka ba galing, bakit inumaga ka na? Di ka naman nagsabi na uuwi ka. Kumain ka na ba?” I just replied, “Pagod na Ma, tutulog na ako.” I was crying myself to sleep.

Until now HSSS, I couldn’t believe that after all those things that I did in our relationship, all those sacrifices, efforts, and time, that one person in that relationship was not satisfied. How can one person in a relationship, entertain another person whom they know that can ruin their relationship? How can someone push you away like you’re a stray dog? How can someone tell that she doesn’t love you anymore that quick? Yesterday you were very sweet, then now, you slept on a separate bed.

HSSS, I need your advise on how can I cope. I need to fix the broken pieces of myself. How? I know she moved on from our breakup as I can see. But me? I still feel like, she wants me to suffer more? Did I do that to her? Did I do it to us?

I am praying every night that when i wake up, everything will be okay.

Thank you in advance,

Jo

HE SAID, SHE SAID:

 

Hello Jo,

Love is a truly complicated matter. It doesn’t have a concept of time and space. No matter how long you’ve been together, nothing can come between it.

What happened to both of you also happens to many couples. In your case, you gave it all, and still, it seemed it wasn’t enough.

There’s a saying that you should set someone you love free. This is the only way that you can start to truly move forward. If she’s indeed happy with her decision, let her be. Forgive her where it matters. But for now, start with forgiving yourself. If you were at fault, it was in giving all you’ve got in the relationship.

But you know what? There’s someone up there who loves you more than anyone else will. Start with God. Only He can put back all the broken pieces together. Seek Him and all else will be added unto you. That’s a promise He has given us, remember? And God never breaks a promise. Seek His will. His plans are always perfect, because He is perfect.

You cannot do this alone. You need God’s strength. His love will make you whole again.

If you’re Catholic, go to Church. Go to the Blessed Sacrament and pour your heart out. It would also be best to go to Confession. You will not be judged. If you’re a Christian, go to your Pastor. Whatever you decide on, lift up all things to God.

Know that we will pray for you. We love you!

God bless, Tito Homer & Tita Jinky

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