Para sa Taong Muntik ng Maging Akin

by Khristine | shared on He Said, She Said |

This may sound old and classic, but let my hand do the talking of those words I still haven’t expressed since the day that everything has changed. I don’t know if this still makes sense to you; it may not be anymore but please take time to read this.

What we had wasn’t out of convenience. I heard so much warning from myself and from other people telling me that I was fooling myself, that I was looking for a temporary source of happiness, and ultimately I was courting heartbreak if I continue the closeness we have before.

For a very long time, I believed that you were the guy, but it just wasn’t the right time. I was thinking that maybe I should wait for the perfect time for the both of us. But as time goes by, I realized that we wanted different things. I had to make a choice. I never knew exactly who or what I was in your life.

You made me feel special; you gave me words that could touch my heart. And it was just too late to know that I was a best friend to you. Sorry for being slow, sorry that I misinterpret your actions. Sorry that I expected something you couldn’t give me. How foolish was I for waiting for a person for that very long time.

Kaya sana di ka nagtaka kung bakit matagal bago ako naka move on sa ‘yo. It was hard to move on because there was never an us, that we are just friends. But you cannot blame me because it was also your fault for showing me things that should not be. It’s really hard to move on specially if you are moving on from someone who never became yours.

It was a difficult choice but I had to make one and I decided to be selfish and ultimately chose myself and my happiness. It was also against my will to ignore you and to make distant from a very close friend like you but I have to make it for myself. Dahil kung pinili ko pa din maging malapit sa ‘yo nung panahong yun, siguro baka hanggang ngayon nakalubog pa din ako.

But look at us now, we’re both leading completely different lives, when at one point, I thought it was impossible to live mine without you. Maybe I will never get that closure I wanted so badly, because maybe, it would be better that way. Or maybe we’ll see each other unexpectedly one day and things will be different. Everything I felt from the day we became close to my final heartbreak was real.

I don’t regret anything. I know we could’ve said goodbye in a better way, but all the good times we had totally outweigh. There’s no need to say goodbye because at the first place I didn’t say goodbye I just got myself healed. But it seems that goodbye happened. I appreciate the time that you were reaching me because you didn’t stop until I finally talked to you but at the same time I felt sorry because I get annoyed everytime you’ll reaching me because you cannot understand that I am on the process of healing.

Sorry if I assumed. Sorry If I ignored you. The time that I told you “wag ka nga makulit”, I wanted you to feel that I was okay already so that you won’t feel guilty anymore. Sorry for ignoring you again. It was just so hard on me. I was just hurt with the idea that you didn’t take a risk on me. But I think I understand now.

I don’t regret falling in love with you the way I did. Because you taught me that I am capable of letting someone else into my life. You taught me to be more adventurous and not to be so cautious. And I will always be thankful for that.

I made this letter/message because I just feel that this is what I need to have a total closure for myself. Mabasa mo man o hindi okay lang s’kin. I know you’re happy now, I know how happy you are now with her.

I am still wishing the best for you. Now, I know I’ll also be happy too, soon. God bless.

Truly yours,
Khristine, the girl who had loved you and now, has finally moved on.

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