Hi Tito Homer and Tita Jinky,
Hope you and your family is well.
I would like to seek some advice about my relationship with my boyfriend of 6 months. We’ve met through a dating app and fell in love after 2 months of constant communication.
At 33, I am proud to have him as my first boyfriend even if he is financially unstable and works as a Security Guard in a multinational company. He is his family’s breadwinner, though some of his siblings help their family as well but not as much as what my bf does for them. Before agreeing to be his GF, he warned me that being an SG entails a lot of his time at work which makes me a little less of his priority. Since I find myself falling hard for him (he is responsible, mature, a good cook, and he has clear intentions for me) I agreed to be in a relationship with him, loving and embracing all of what he has to offer.
My problem is, I know from the very beginning that I will not be his #1 priority, not to mention that we seldom see each other (we both leave in the North). He always makes me feel insecure and anxious about our relationship by constantly breaking his promises. I feel that I am only his GF whenever he has free time for himself. Is it wrong to expect him to love and care for me in a way as to how I always make him my #1 priority? I work as an HR staff in a government agency and am always been busy as a bee but I make it a point that I will make him feel as important as what I have at the moment. I told him everything I feel and said that I’d like to break up with him. He apologized and asked to be given one last chance to prove himself to me. Since I still love him, I agreed but I think he’s still the same guy who doesn’t know how to value his girl’s worth.
I have given him everything I’ve got-love, care, attention, even my virginity but I think it’s not enough for a man to set his entire being to the love of his life.
To be honest, I am thinking that I deserve someone better, someone, who is ready to invest his entire being to me, and someone who isn’t afraid of losing me. I am unhappy if not always, but most of the time whenever he breaks his promises that would always end up in an argument. My bf is 36 y/o, btw and has been in past relationships wherein, according to him, 2 of his exes cheated on him. His last ex, dumped him for her co-worker (a lesbian) because they were in LDR for a 1 year. They were together for 4 years. I’m afraid that if this keeps on happening, I might end up looking for the one who will fulfill what has been missing in my relationship. Although, I don’t have anyone at the moment because I still love and respect my BF.
What should I do? Please help.
– Asherra (not real name)
Based on hearing your side of the story, here are our thoughts.
Expect things to happen the same way if both your situations and attitudes will stay the same. The way we see it, both of you are not doing anything different since you have been in a relationship. Both have to level up in whatever you see that will also level up the maturity of your relationship. We haven’t heard of your plans in the future. So, the question is, what are his plans? We know that to have 2 families (his and eventually yours) and be an SG will not suffice financially. He is responsible, yes. But what are you doing to support his higher ambitions, if there is at all? This is the practical side because if you see both yourselves getting married, the real pressures will be in maintaining a family of our own. When the “kill” moments die down, your love for each other will be defined by your commitment to stay together. Can you guys pull through?
Age is not important in a relationship. But if he is 36 years old and he is still very much struggling with his time, job, family — obviously, where does that leave you? You should expect a problem with time management as his struggles are real. Is this the life you want? Set love aside for a moment. Peel off the dreams of a happy married life.
A relationship is two-way. But it heavily relies on a commitment to stay together and support each other and improve the lives of each other. Reflect on these things. Pray for clarity.
Tito Homer & Tita Jinky