Seeking closure on a failed marriage

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From message sender “Heather” |


I haven’t read the article of “how can you let go of someone you love,” as it is also my case right now.

I’m a mother of two. Our rocky relationship started back in 2009. We would separate but then he’d come back again. This time, he left me for good.

Although I still love him, I don’t want to hold on to our marriage. Not because I don’t love him but because I also need to love myself for the sake of my two kids. I can’t bear to be in a marriage where he’d always lie. I didn’t know anymore what was the truth in our marriage.

People would always tell me to move on and let go. I also wanted to do that but how can I when I still wonder who was the girl he chose over me and my children. I wanted a closure but I guess I won’t get it from him. He said I was at fault for being a nagger and for being smarter than him. For being the one who led the relationship. But that’s not the case. I’m not smarter than him. I guess I was just raised differently.

I’m not a nagger. I just ask questions about what he really does. I’m not the one who led the relationship because I always asked his permission.

Right now, I’m living as a single parent. My in-laws are even threatening me to have full custody over my children. I’m in law enforcement. So as I was undergoing this predicament, I’ve learned that we can only ask a little amount from my husband. I am just thankful that I have my own job. However, I’m also in debt.

I just want to tell my story to some stranger who will not judge me. Who will just listen and i understand.

He Said: Hello! Thanks for messaging us. First, you’re not alone. You are among hundreds of people – and women – in a similar situation.

Love is a two-way street. It’s not all about taking, but giving as well. Like a half-empty glass of water, people need to be filled with love to make us whole. Without it, we’re empty. My take on this is for you to refocus your love on your children. Prepare them for their own future and for them to be strong, full of wisdom and discernment – in their careers and relationships. You, too, should be strong for them. They see you as their pillar of strength. Remain steadfast and faithful that God will deliver you. He is mightier than all the world’s problems combined!

Be positive everyday. This is your battle cry – your mantra. Make sure you smile and remain beautiful, not for others, but for yourself. See the changes that will happen. We will pray for you. Always know that God is in control. Just lift up your daily struggles to Him and believe in His promises.

I leave you this life verse from Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

She Said: Hi. I know a lot of relationships that went astray. First, let me tell you that knowing who he chose over you and your children is not important anymore. I don’t think it is even worth it. People who destroy someone’s family are only focused on what makes them happy (if they are happy at all), because what they have can be temporary. Next is closure. I think you can have it by telling yourself that you’ve had enough, and I don’t want to be in this situation anymore. If he doesn’t want to talk to you to give you your closure, just do it for yourself. Send him one last text or private message telling him goodbye. And make sure it will be the last time. I know it’s hard but it’s the only way to start a new life.

Go out with friends who will not judge you. Have a good time with your parents and siblings. Focus on your kids. And it will help you to talk to somebody close to you and tell your story over and over again. Tell it until it hurts no more. Someone who will not broadcast it. Someone who will keep it and will just be there to listen. Remember the less people who knows what happened the less opinions you’ll get and less complications.

Most importantly, pray to God to take all the pains. And pray that He will teach you how to forgive, not only them but also yourself.

Life is beautiful so go out and explore the beauty of it. Just let go and let God take the wheel. 🙂

Reply from “Heather”

Thank you… I will heed your words of advice.

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