by Micko Ramos | This is How We Ended is a short tale of a childhood sweetheart farewell.
Back to the day when we were young, it was 1999. Summer time was approaching and one week had gone past since our last day in class when your family decided to move south. It was your last day on this province and this picture in my memory still clearly remember the last scene we’ve had and the pain it brought.
It was five and a half hours after twelve noon, when the ambient light of the sunset were softly illuminating the mowed grass, that turned the color of my surrounding into golden green, when the mild wind pulled off the dead leaves from its branches and the bird’s cry started to echoed from afar. I came in to your house with my rusty blue bicycle to see you, to spill my farewell message and to hug you. I was panting while you were smiling with grace, a kind of grace that caused me became speechless, mesmerized by your looks as I saw you wearing your favorite dress, your rosy pink blouse blends perfectly in your blush and the lashes in your eyes bents harmoniously towards heaven. Oh God, there is unexplainable beauty in your simplicity. It took a long while before I realized that you were real standing in front of me, so I let go a deep sigh and said “I will miss you,” the only words I can say, but your head was bowed down to hide the tears from me. When I am about to reach your shoulder for a hug, you took a step behind, turned your back and you didn’t even let me embrace you for the last chance, instead you’d ran through the stairway up to the second storey, I was unpleasantly surprised, you left me with no words and nothing but your sweet scent.
I felt upset and blank, the hands of the antique clock stopped and my universe shrunk. In a sudden, you became so strange and cold like a season of winter without snow, from where I’m standing, the luminous darkness started to glow and it feels like I’m drowning underneath my own shadow.
Slowly, I faced the door mindlessly, teary eyed with a shivering lips trying to smile. Walking out on that door with anxious mind, helping myself to grab my bicycle while staring at the balcony where we used to read our books and play. As the moment I started to roved around the firmly standing fountain in the village’s roundabout heading the exit gate, I did not wasted that fourteen seconds of passing by and took a final scan of the house and I saw you and it hurts so bad seeing you at the attic window, waving your hand in a gesture of saying goodbye.
Since then, I lived this life like there was a missing huge part of me. One day I woke up, realizing that you can’t just stop chasing someone, even if it’s in your dream, that you should not let them go, ’cause you know, parts of you are still attached to them, your heart, your spirit and your whole being. It’s difficult to go back to your basic life when the most fundamental elements of your whole being are still hanging on someone’s shoulder. And that only happens when you think there was an injustice, when all that you did was fighting for it, and yet losing it.
I have known that, in this world with lots of unexpected turn out of events, never let your doubt to stop you from what you really feel. Go to that person and tell her you’ll miss her when she’s gone, even if she’ll not. And no matter how overwhelming it looks like, learn how to say goodbye and mean it while she’s in your eyes, before it’s too late, because parting ways with a heart that’s unsure will only make a sorrowful departure.
Thank you for reading.
This is How We Ended is dedicated to the people who believe they deserve a better someone who would never say goodbye until the end of time.
© 2018 | Micko Ramos Writings
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