To the Man I Once Loved

goodbye

Once I was living in wonder lust with the man I loved and got lost in the magic. The one I thought was real but unfortunately it was just another façade he put up to play me like a dummy. A dummy controlled by strings, he pulled – I followed. I laid my aces and flaws on the table including my desire of him loving me for eternity.

Nevertheless, he used it to seize the opportunity to have me under his control and leave my heart shattered. We never lasted long. He had let go of me because he felt that he’s not good enough for me. I begged him to stay but he had his mind fixed on leaving me behind. He went on with his life and with other women. But he would come back to me when his alone and drunk. I’d welcome him with the warmest of heart. I let him in again and again as if he was not the reason for all this poignant pain in the chest. He may have let go of me as his dummy but I still felt like it each time he’d reappear in my life.

I guess my love for this man had sent me off to an absurd path. The one I never thought I’d take, the one that was a laughingstock to me back in the days I haven’t met him. I have realized that it wasn’t a bad choice to have let him in again and again. For each time he bids goodbye, he made me love him less and less. He only made things easier for me to move on and take on the world head on – alone. He may not be my soulmate but he sure is my one big, formidable lesson in life that made me see things in a different aspect.
I cried a river for him but I couldn’t say that it wasn’t worth it, for the tears had cleansed my eyes and made me see matters in kaleidoscope. He made me realize that there so much more in this world than just another man treating a woman less than she deserves. I have flourished to be a happier woman without him. And now, I bid my farewell to all those nights I cried and all those days I worried that I wasn’t good enough for him.

To the man I once loved – I still thank you for coming into my life and I had forgiven you even before you uttered your never ending sorry. I wish you all the good things in life for I know goodness still exist somewhere in your heart.

– Joy C.

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