A Letter to John

by JSM | shared on He Said, She Said |

As I have seen this picture…I cant believe what I’ve done for him of what I am capable of doing.

Flashback runs through my mind.

He might see this as a kind of material thing just like my other gifts but for me it’s effort. It’s not easy to talk to anyone and ask for them a favor and get rejected sometimes just to reach him or surprise him just so he knew. Lucky me for those who helped me, a heartfelt thanks to them.

It’s not easy to write what my heart wants to tell him. But he left it unread. Things I thoughtfully bought even if I’m so tired from work or I’m not feeling well. How to manage time just for him, not to feel he isn’t included in my priorities in life. That he is important, too.

Understand that if I make him mad I wanted him to burst out and explain himself. That’s why at the end of the day I end up saying sorry to him for the things said and done ‘coz he never did try to explain and thought of it negatively.

I know I’m not good at it. He is my first love. There are many emotions that have arisen which I don’t know howto handle. He is the person whom I’ve expected to understand first before anyone else.

I always think of him first in every action I make.

Communications haven’t interfered in the process. I guess we would never understand each other.

No matter how I tried to grasp the thought of us, everything becomes blurry. Maybe because of the tears.

I tried to hold on and put back the pieces but he turned his back on me. He choose to turn his back instead of helping me while making me watch “us” fall apart.

I cried rivers of tears, while it looks like it didn’t bother him at all.

Queries do arise like, “does he really love me?”

What have I done wrong? Is really long distance the main reason behind? Or is it me, for not being worth the fight?

As time passed by, I thought that maybe I was not good enough. Maybe everything that was best for me didn’t satisfy him.

There were so many things I wanted to tell him. I’ve been swallowing my pride to tell him, but I guess let’s just end it this way. Things are better left unsaid.

I pray him all the best, and may he find the love that could satisfy him. I wish to see him again someday. Happy. I pray that he will never experience the same pain I’ve been through lately.

Best regards to the man I love and who left me hanging. To the man who brings out the best in me…

Thank you and I’m sorry.


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