I Love You, Goodbye [#UnsentLetter]


Hi. How are you doing? It’s been over a month since the last time saw you. I’m miserable. I’m trying my best to keep it together but i often fail at it. It feels so weird not to talk or text throughout the day. I have to figure out how to deal with all the sadness and confusion that i feel. I don’t know what to feel. I feel so lost.

I had loved you so much that it hurt . To say that I don’t think about you would be a lie.Little things here and there remind me of you.I reminiscence on all the good times we used to have together.Even though we’re not together anymore, the experiences we gave each other were unique and cannot be replaced. They are memories I will cherish for the rest of my life.

We no longer get to talk and ask how each others day went everyday, but that doesn’t mean I don’t still wonder how you are doing. How things are going, how life is treating you, if you are doing the things that you love, if you are eating well and most importantly- if you are okay.

I tried, I tried so hard, to normalize what happened- to place the blame on myself, but the truth is, why should I have to apologize for experiencing feelings that I couldn’t help? Feelings of lust, anger, guilt, jealousy and greed; feelings I only felt when I was with you- ones that only linger when I think of you and what I had hoped we would be.

I want you to know that I loved you. I loved you through every emotional part of the roller coaster you have brought into my life. I think a part of me still loves you while I sit here in the darkness, face hot with tears.

There wasn’t a day that went by when I didn’t think about you, love you, want you, and need to hear your voice. We had the best moments together, and in those moments the world did not exist because it was just you and me.
I felt loved, acknowledged, trusted, and not alone. Having you by my side made me feel invincible to the world.You made me the happiest I have ever been.

Thank you , because you made my heart beats again. Thank you for making me happy. Thank you for treating me to dinner . Thank you for the unforgettable experience of my hand being held in yours. Thank you for taking care of me when I didn’t take care of myself.

Thank you for everything. For treating me like I mattered, putting me first, caring about me, making me smile, and holding my hand through thick and thin. I am forever thankful for the relationship we had. No one has made the impact you did in the short amount of time together. You are truly one of a kind and I hope you realize that you deserve nothing but the best in this life

I am so sorry for not living up to your expectations of the woman you needed me to be. I’m sorry if i constantly want to talk to you.I’m sorry if i say things that might piss you off.I’m sorry if i come off as annoying. I’m sorry for being stupid sometimes. I’m sorry if i come off as being clingy.I’m sorry for not being perfect. I’m sorry for loving you too much, that I forget to love myself.
for missing you, even if you don’t feel the same way too, for wanting to be by your side even if i’m far far away from you. I’m sorry for wanting to make you happy even if i know you’re not happy with me. I’m sorry for thinking that you loved me , for annoying you with my calls and messages, just to remind you that i exist. Sorry for every single mistake that I made.

I hope you found someone new and I hope she make you happy. You deserve the world and I just couldn’t give that to you.

Looking back, I am not mad or upset. I do not hate you or wish you the worst. I am very proud of you for realizing that you needed to do what was best for you and at that time in life that wasn’t me. I am only sorry that I couldn’t do more for you. But whatever you set out to do in this life, I wish you nothing but the best. I wish you years of happiness and laughter. And I wish that you accomplish all of the dreams you set for yourself. I hope you miss what we had just as much as I do; because for the first time in a very long time it was the only real thing I had to hold on to. You gave me more than you’ll ever realize and for that I am forever grateful. Thank you …I love you, goodbye Zhanyi.

– AnonymousExGf

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