To the man I love but I have hurt

by M.I. | shared on He Said, She Said |

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry that I was weak. I’m sorry that I have only thought of myself while you were losing yourself thinking of me first.

I’m sorry I was selfish. I’m sorry you had been through hell protecting me while you were burning pain.

I’m sorry for it was too late for me to realize all the wrong things I have done. I’m sorry that you had to cry silently beside me at night because of the pain I have caused you. If only I could turn back time, I will be better than this but I know I can’t.

I am left with a heart that is full of sorrow and guilt.

It is killing me to admit to myself that our story had to end this way because of the wrong decisions I had made and even if how much I try to forget everything that had happened and move on with my life I just can’t.

I am longing for you. I miss you and all I want to do now is hug you, touch you and feel your comforting love again. I love you. I love you today and I know this feeling will forever stay.

BF, it’s been 9 months, but everyday I feel like its the first day of losing you, of sleeping without you, of having a meal without you. There are times I want to call you and just beg for you to come back but I’m afraid you’d say ‘No’ again. I don’t want to hear that word again because I don’t know if I would still be able to pretend that I am ok, that I am strong, even though inside I have died multiple times. I am afraid if I’ll be able to recover from the pain.

I just want you back.

I need you back because when you left me you took away all the beautiful things in me. You took my dreams with you. I can’t even do a sincere smile anymore. It’s as if I am a walking puppet — lifeless.

I am afraid of so many things right now but you know what I am greatly afraid of? That is to see you happy — happy with someone else. Because that would mean the end for me.

If I’ll have a second chance, i’ll be better. I will love you better.

Can I have that chance?

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