What could have been [An ‘Almost Love’]

from that girl from long ago | shared on He Said, She Said |

Hey, do you remember that song you used to play for me?

I listen to it every now and then. It’s one of my favorites.

I often remember how your laugh sounds and how the strings vibrate even if the static of the phone signal is killing my ears. You liked talking about stuff we both loved, and I enjoyed conversing with someone with the same tastes as me. I still have those burned DVD’s I asked from you, and that tattered letter you wrote with your clumsy hands. That letter was special, because I felt every word of it.

Sometimes, I can’t help but think of what could have been, if I gave you the chance.

You were wonderful, smart, kind and I was drawn by you, even if I never showed it. For sure I would have been happy, because I knew how much you cared. But now I have someone I deeply love, a zing far more stronger than what I felt for you.

Yes, there was once a time when you occupied all my thoughts. But you never knew it and I guess now, you will never realize how much you meant to me. I hid my heart from you, and I rejected all sorts of efforts you did, even if it crushed my soul. It pains me still, knowing that I hurt a man as precious as you, but I was scared. Your warmth did never erase that fear, but his did. He broke down all the barriers I built and took me out from my shell.

A sorry is not enough to atone for my guilt when I forced my eyes shut and ran away from you, from what could and might have been us, but I guess it was never meant to be. I always pray to God that someday, you would be able to meet and have a love far greater than what we could ever be.

You were always the big brother I never had, and the almost love I refused to have. You deserve to be happy and I wish all the best for the special man with the same wavelength as me.

I always tell you how I love the night sky right. And you know what? It’s strange how, whenever I gaze upon the stars, I feel that somewhere, you also have your head up staring at them and having that piece of moment with me.

At least with just that, I can have a fraction of moment with you.

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