Goodbye: Play Poison and Wine

by Anonymous | shared on He Said, She Said |

Hi! How you’ve been?

Hope you’re Ok when you read this. So, where to start?

I guess thanks for this year, 2016. My gosh what a year this is, the year I lost almost everything, my job and you. Two of the things I loved the most.

Funny cause I never thought of losing these precious things, but we both knew I took you for granted, all your efforts and love towards me and as for my job, I’m young and naive for making that hasty decision.

I want to say sorry but it’s just my defense mechanism after being stuck in a relationship where a suicidal ex was involved. Should I apologize for being too careful? Am I afraid of taking a risk again?

Well then, forgive me. Forgive me for pushing all your buttons; for making you cry every night cause you feel your efforts are not good enough; for saying that you drop-off easily. Forgive me for all the pain I’ve caused you. But I guess it’s too late now, isnt it?

You’ve got someone now, cherish her, will you? This is the reason I halted our communication because I respect the girl (even though she put you in a terrible situation). Then after some time when i thought I was ok, I texted you on your birthday to make peace. Just a normal HBD greeting. No sweet pretext. That’s when I knew you’ve been crying again (for a week). Why? I let you go didn’t I?

I feel like the most horrible person in existence. Can someone please tell me what’s the right thing to do to make you finally happy? (I would like to take notes).

Why, huh? I thought if you love someone, you need to let him go. So why are you still hurting then? What else do I need to do? The momentary happiness has gone and the wave of guilt consumed me. We’re both miserable and nobody wants to admit it.

And then we agreed to meet up and talk.

First, for us catch up for lost time. But I didn’t let you talk about our past because I knew you’ll say inappropriate words that will shake up my ground again. Second, for you to have this letter that talks about our past and things I can’t say in front of you. Lastly, for you to do me a favor and let me move forward; to allow me to live my life without you; without you crying and making me feel guilty. Can you do that, B?

Maybe if you waited a little longer or if I loved you a little sooner, maybe we’ll make it. But i guess this is all we’ve got and I’m contented with this. With the time and memories of you.

I tried but I’m tired. We’ve got a lot of regrets in our lives but someday you’ll realize that I’m that person you want to be with. But I’m not there anymore.

I miss us. I loved you. Goodbye.

(We didn’t meet. You can have my letter.)

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