Happy Soul-Searching

A Love Letter Never Sent by F on He Said, She Said |

Two years ago today, I have finally mustered all the courage to stride out of a long term relationship and it was by far the most unsettling thing I have ever done. Feeling a shove down my throat, it inevitably got me like I’ve jumped out of a plane without a parachute, hurtling towards the ground at a hundred miles per hour. I knew there was no turning back.

In all honesty, I was a crap, I was miserable, I was such a wreck trying to summon up every scrap of composure in my body — be it partying every night and crying my bloody heart out on the bathroom floor at 3am, or dating a bunch of emotionally unvailable men one after another which had been a pathetic recipe for disaster. I was a real shattered piece of shit.

But as they say, life gives us choices. You either sit on the sidelines, take it as a downfall and engage yourself in pain for the rest of your life or grab on with both hands, deal with that horrible ass heart break and take it as a prosperity in becoming the best version of yourself. Long after I have sobered myself up in that nightmare, it took an awful lot of self confidence to gather my unkempt self and get over it. I travelled, read a lot of books, shopped til I dropped, made new friends and therapeutically wrote everything I was feeling. Well, I must say it helped — a lot.

And then one day, who could have possibly imagine that all the pain would fade away like a hand written word at the edge of the shore being washed by the sea? I have achieved a new level of emotional peace ever so subtly within myself and I’m happier than I ever could imagine.

Happiness doesn’t begin when a man comes along and drags you to a happy ever after. Happiness, I’ve learnt, has always been a choice and life itself is how you make it and it could certainly be as beautiful and as amazing as how you wanted it to be, in a relationship or not.

When I knew what exactly I wanted in my life, there had been no room for situation or people who would drain the positivity out of me. I am over the moon for meeting and loving myself beforehand.

I believe there is surely a lid for every pot, and you will find yours in God’s perfect time.

Happy soul searching.


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